Stronger Today Podcast Episode 5: How a good mentor can change your life
Photo of author Kimber Leigh
Mentorship is a gift one human gives to another and may be one of the most profound methods of growth and transformation, both personally and professionally.
I recently reconnected with Kimber Leigh after not interacting with her for more than a decade. We met through the local film community in Arizona, but our paths took us in new directions, new lives, new marriages, new everything.
I felt an immediate to draw to Kimber while authoring and working on the marketing team for the compilation book by Diane Dresback called ‘From Us For You: Inspiring Stories of Healing, Growth and Transformation’ available on Amazon and one of the themes that kept coming up was mentorship. She has a devoted mentor of six years, the incomparable Somers White and also serves as a mentor to people across the country.
I have always desperately wanted a mentor and am one to a young, 15-year-old, so naturally o wanted to learn from Kimber about what a meaningful and successful mentorship looks like and the immense benefits of stepping into the role of both a mentee and a mentor.
Kimber is a bestselling author, filmmaker and founder of The Wow Factor. I got so much from this conversation with the beautiful and generous Kimber, and I know you will too. I’m honored to be able to share this wisdom with the world about how one women went from rock bottom to stepping into and owning her greatness.
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Stronger Today Podcast Episode 5
Show Notes and Transcript
Melissa Farley 00:05
Welcome, everyone to the stronger today podcast where we hope you leave feeling stronger and better today than you did before. This is Episode Five. And it is a special episode because it is our first time having a guest on the podcast. I am so excited to introduce you all to Kimberly. She is the best selling author and founder of the wow factor. Kimber, thank you so much for joining us today.
Kimber Leigh 00:30
Wow, how exciting is this? Melissa, I get to be the first guest.
Melissa Farley 00:38
You do and I’m so especially honored because we’ll be we’ll be fully transparent with our audience here. It actually took us like a half hour to figure out how to just get you into the online studio. Like this is why I wanted to pick you not just because of your expertise because I do be so gracious and kind and loving as I figured out what the heck I’m doing.
Kimber Leigh 01:00
Well, you taught me something new, and I now want to ever use this format in the future. I’ll know exactly what to do.
Melissa Farley 01:08
Well, thank you. I appreciate it. I’m so Kimber, you know, I really wanted to have you on to talk about mentoring and mentorship. You are such a multi talented, multifaceted person that I know, we could have talked about a billion and things. But you know, something that really struck me when you sort of were telling me about your story and your life was this role that mentorship played sort of throughout your life, it seemed like and your career. And I think it’s such an important thing that a lot of people don’t explore for lots of different reasons. And so I was hoping you might share a little bit about your experience with mentorship and let’s start with let’s start with your role as being the mentor or Yeah, the mentee, I’m sorry, let’s start with your role as the mentee. And then we’ll talk a little bit about how you became a mentor, maybe a little little later on in life.
Kimber Leigh 02:12
So in order for me to explain the journey, I think I need to start with how I even understood what a mentor was, or I because there was one point in my life where I was at my lowest flow had nowhere to go. And serendipitously, I met a gentleman that I had known for 25 years we lost contact. And he thought that I was this famous wealthy actress that because I had produced 100 animal shows and I made all these films, and he just thought I was really something and his wife said to him one day, whatever happened to Kimber? And he said, I don’t know, I haven’t spoken to her in years. And she said, Well Google her. So he googled me. And he called me and he reached out. And the moment that he called me though, was it the most pivotable pivotal, underlying moment in my life where it was completely falling apart. I had nothing. I had no money. I had no love life. I had no personal life. I was literally stripped of everything. So he asked me to meet him the following day to go meet a gentleman by the name of Don Hannah. And yes, it is the dawn Hanna. That is the Darryl Hannah’s father. So I had no idea who I was meeting. And I get there and spend many hours at his table. And all he says to me is Kimber, I’m what you call a plate spinner. I spent a lot of plates, but that’s all I do it the kind of help you need, I don’t think I can help you with. He said, I want you to meet me tomorrow at 8am at this building, and don’t be late. So I have no idea. I show up. And I find myself standing in a room with 50 entrepreneurs. And every entrepreneur got a moment to stand up and give the 62nd talk about who they were. And when they introduced Don Hanna. They were introducing him as he worked very closely with Fidel Castro and he was the one of the people that founded Michael Jackson, and on and on and I was like, What am I doing here? How did I find myself here? I mean, it was mind blowing. And then all of a sudden he said he stood up after he got introduced and he said I would like to gift all of my 60 seconds to Kimber You’re right, yeah, Melissa, I have no idea why I’m in this room and I met my lowest low, I don’t want to talk. But I stood up and just prayed, I asked God to speak through me. And literally the words that came out of my mouth just came out. And then after that was over, Mr. Don Han is so graciously said to me, out of all these 50 successful entrepreneurs, pick one who you want to mentor under. And that was my first experience with mentoring. And I chose a gentleman who, again, I had no idea who he was, but I felt drawn to him. And his name was Somers, White, and Somers, White, mentored me up till this day, this was six years ago. And every day or every other day, we either email we talk about life, love, health, business, you name it, we talk about it. And finally, I realized that he has gifted me endless, endless hours of mentoring, and it is now my responsibility to give back to life, those many hours that he gave to me.
Melissa Farley 06:24
Hmm. Well, it’s such an incredible story. And I was I was hoping you would share that that’s kind of why I set it up as open in Vegas. I did because I wanted you to share that exact story. Let me ask you, before we continue on this journey, what what was it about him that you were drawn to like? What did he say something that resonated with you? Was it just kind of a an energetic connection? What was it that? I mean, there was 50 people you could have picked? Like, why? Why him?
Kimber Leigh 06:58
So here’s another really cool part of that story. I love my life, because it’s always just angelic, like the angels in the heavens open. And my every wish comes true. So it’s one of the reasons was Somers was so energetic, and so smart. And he was, he’s in his 80s. And I thought, well, he’s lived a very long life. And he’s probably had a lot of successes, as well, as many, many failures. So I wanted the gamut of that. But when I, when I was introduced to Somers, he said, Sure, why don’t you I contact you by email, and I said, Okay, now again, I don’t know who Somers White is, I just, he’s just a gentleman to me that stood up and spoke. And I felt drawn to be wanting his wisdom to learn from him. So I get home, he emails me. And the email has his outline of what he charges and how we’re going to go about this. And I read the email, and it says that he charges $10,000 an hour or constantly. So I was like, I read that. Now I just got done telling you I was at my low was slow. I didn’t have two nickels to rub together. And I looked at that email, and I was like, Oh, well, well, that was a pipe dream. And I’ll be on to my next mentor if they ever get that. So I ignored the email. And then two days later, Somers emails me again. And he says, Kimber, you didn’t respond, because along with the price range came up full page questionnaire. And I didn’t respond. And he goes, You didn’t respond to my email, and I read it. And I’m like, in my head, I was going, Yeah, I’m not going to be responding either. Unless I. And then, so I ignored it again. Then he finally calls me. And I’ll never forget the moment I’m in my garage. I’m getting I’m purging my whole life, because it was I was so bottomless. And he calls me and he says, Kimber, you didn’t respond to my email. And I said, Yeah, you’re right. I didn’t respond to your email. And now I’m a little bit tipped. Because, of course, I didn’t respond to your email. Why do you keep bugging me is what I’m thinking. And he said, Well, why didn’t you respond? And I said, Somers, are you serious right now? I am, broke. I am a broken woman. I have nothing. I’m lucky. I even have love to give to myself right now. And he stopped and listened to my whole story. And then he said to me, Kimber, did I ask you for any money? Or did I simply send you my fee range? I thought about her for a minute. Well, no, you didn’t ask me for any money. And so he said, I’d like you to come and sit at my dining room table, if you would do that, and I took him up on that offer. He knew I had full disclosure, just like you did, Melissa, with the opening of your podcast, I gave full disclosure of my wife. In fact, I fell apart at his table, I just emotionally melted down. And he literally, piece by piece for six hours, I sat at his table that day. And he put me back together, he put a mirror in front of my face to show me really, who I was, as a woman, not who I thought I was through the eyes of others. And he showed me my value and my worth. And it was the most profound adult moment in my life at that point. And after he had done that, we just continued on. And I want to backtrack for a moment. The reason why he chose me, to give me that free mentorship was because he was me at one point in his life. And someone mentor that was as intelligent as Somers. And never charged him anything, in fact, took him out to dinner every day for years and years and years, and gave a wealth of knowledge. And Somers chose me to be that gift back to his mentor, who was now passed away for many, many years.
Melissa Farley 12:07
I think that’s so incredible, because it it speaks to two things. One is that if you had not been so vulnerable, and tried to hide, you know, where you were actually at, and and where you were, at that point in your life, that gift might not have been passed on to you. So that’s really a testament right to being genuine and authentic and standing where you are. And I love that. And then the other thing that it speaks to is this idea, right? Of, we don’t know, we can’t just make assumptions of what other people are willing to give or not to give, right. I mean, so often were intimidated to talk to that big name approach that famous person, you know, but we don’t know that they don’t have a story like Somers where they they are looking for somebody to be sto, you know, this gift upon. So that’s a really cool opportunity as well. So let’s we keep kind of circling around this, who is Somers.
Kimber Leigh 13:03
So Somers, White, was the youngest bank president ever. And he was a US senator. And he also is in the speaker’s Hall of Fame, with the likes of Colin Powell, Zig Ziglar. Ronald Reagan, there’s only 250 people in the speaker’s Hall of Fame. And Somers has given over 3000 speeches all over the world. And he is a superior entrepreneur. And where he is in his life today is he’s literally giving back to people like me. Um, we belong to a group of entrepreneurs called the life sciences, which is it’s sort of a hybrid group of people that love to take other people under their wings. But it’s a lot of work. And the only reason I believe why Somers stayed with me is because I put the work in, he would give me such tedious assignments to do, for instance, because he wanted to see how serious Am I Somers belief is this time is way more valuable than money. Because when you spend your money, you always have the ability to make more, but when you spend your time, you can’t get that back. So he wasn’t going to spend time on me if I wasn’t willing to be teachable. And when you’re at your lowest slow in your life when you’re struggling, any assignment somebody gives you is overwhelming, at best. And one of the things that he wanted me to do was he would give me the most menial things to research, but in order to research I had to email people I had to ask them with a thought I had to Google, I had to work put in eight hours a day. And then when I got all of my research done, then I had to put it in a sentence format that would end up in a triangle, starting with the longest sentence, and then the next and then the next. And then the next. Melissa, there were so many moments that I sat there, I cried, I threw a fit, I tore up and rip the paper and threw it away. I had a three year old meltdown, privacy of my own home. But I knew that I had to do this, I knew that I couldn’t stay where I was, or I wouldn’t be here. Right? Because when you when there is no hope you will fight. If you’re serious about wanting hope, you will fight your way out of a paper bag that is glued shut and put in a box that is put in a crate that is put in a dumpster at the bottom of the trash, you will fight and fight and fight to get out. And that’s what Somers helped me do is fight my way out of the dark hole that I put myself in? Because no one did it too.
Melissa Farley 16:29
Right? Yeah, I think you again, highlight two really important things. One is, you know, you have to be open and willing and able, like you can’t have somebody fix fix you for yourself, right? You have to be the one to do all of that foundational work. And if you’re not ready to do that, it doesn’t matter how many times God puts a Somers in front of you, if you’re not ready to accept that challenge, then you know, it’s just not going to make that difference. And you know, it sounds very, like Karate Kid esque of the kind of work He made you do you know, before you got to start kicking some ass and i think that’s that’s really kind of cool to see it in a real life application, as opposed to, you know, just in a movie. And so the next question I’m going to ask you is going to sound a little I don’t want it to be restrictive. I don’t want I don’t want it to be a boxed in question. So feel free to kind of take it wherever it takes you. You know, what are the What do you feel? Are the biggest gifts or maybe like those biggest aha moments that you had with Somers that actually were pivotal in helping you to move forward and out of that place of hopelessness? Well,
Kimber Leigh 17:54
what one of the most aha moments was I loved his Stern, very stern attitude towards me. But with that, sternness came a tremendous amount of underlying love and concern, like something that you would give to only to a family member. And he never let me wallow, like I cried, and I broke down that one day at his table. But there were many, many days and moments that I cried by myself in my house because I isolated for four years, Somers was the only person that I talked to, because I allow him, like I said, in the beginning to glue me back piece by piece. So he would call me every day, he would email me in between the phone calls. He he was just patient, but stern and loving, and it’s I took a lot of his time. But what I did was I he taught me focus, like literal focus, do not take your eye off this ball. And I don’t know what Somers Well, I do know Somers background was he was raised with very loving, kind, abundant family who, when he talks about his childhood, it’s something that everybody dreams of, and I have the exact opposite of that. And I believe that when summer’s heard about my life, because, as you know, I wrote a book, The my book that became best selling, but what, hardly anybody knows his Somers read, the rah rah version, the version that has everything in it. Every ugly bit of it, and when he read it, he said to me, Kimber, you can’t publish that. And I was like, and the book and by the way, the book was going to be released the next day on Amazon. It was my publisher was uploading it that day. And they said Somers Why? And I thought it was because I speak of the light because I was touched by the light, during a severe beating that I was taking by my mother, to the point where I thought I was dead. And I thought I had entered into heaven, because I was engulfed in the slight. And I thought it was because of that, because maybe the world would think I was crazy. But what it was, more importantly, is he said, Kimber, it’s 90%. Bad. And only 10%. Good. And you’re going to shut the reader down. He said, You need to flip flop the book, to where it’s 10% bad, and 90%. Good. And I said that Somers if I do that, that means a total rewrite. And I’ve been writing this book already for two years, well, actually a lifetime. I said, but physically for two years. And he said, Yeah, and so what else do you do? And so I think by sharing that story with you, one of the things that he doesn’t let me he doesn’t bullcrap me, he doesn’t feed me. Things I want to hear he’s, he’s truthful. He doesn’t build me up. He makes me build me up. And he encourages me to do that for myself. So when that moment when he told me you can’t publish that, he shared with me later that 90 99% of the people if he said that to them, they would have published the book anyway. He said, Kimber, you are the 1%. That put the book, I actually quit. I said, Okay, fine. I won’t publish it. But I’m not going to finish it either. So that was another three year old said, I threw. And I took the book, and I put it away. And I was like, Okay, I’m done. And then after three weeks, I wrote him back and I said, Somers, I’ll do it your way. And so he gives you a choice, just like a parent would give a child a choice, you can either take my advice, or you can leave it. It doesn’t hurt Somers, if I don’t take his advice, because he’s already successful. It only hurts me.
22:46
Right? Yeah, I
Melissa Farley 22:48
think you. This is a great segue, because you’ve said something that I think is so critical and crucial, which is that, you know, the job of a mentor, a good mentor isn’t to build you up, it’s to help you build yourself up, right. And so I want to talk about that a little bit. And I realized that every experience is going to be different. So we’re just talking about your experience here, you know, and so many people don’t truly understand what a mentorship is, you know, is it this super structured thing where you’re doing assignments like that the whole way through? Is it a casual thing where you just check in and have conversations about like, what, what is the dynamic of a mentorship?
Kimber Leigh 23:34
Very good question. Because it is true, some people just don’t get it. I personally believe and I don’t want anyone out there to think that this is okay to do. But I personally think that it’s mentoring is better than therapy. Because in my mind therapy, you get 45 minutes to shed your shed yourself and share your problems. And then you have to go back and start all over again. With a mentorship. It isn’t about how much how many hours you’re on the phone with someone or how many times a day a true pure, caring mentorship is about. I’m here for you. I am your gift, your support. You need six hours at my table. You have six hours if that’s what it’s going to take to make you see who you are for real. Instead of believing with somebody told you, you are a true pure mentorship is about shining the brightest light that you can for someone who was in the dark, shine the light, let them find their way out because when you can see in the dark, you are in the light and a true pure mentorship is telling the truth. Telling the truth about where they’re failing. They might not want to hear it. And right now, with the mentors that I have working with me, it’s been such an amazing journey, especially one story that I have with working with this one woman. She is struggling, struggling like I was. But um, part of the problem is there’s a lot about side influenced from family. So do you believe your family? Or do you believe this outsiders, so you have to gain trust with your mentor, with whomever you’re mentoring, gaining their trust takes a lot of time. Because it’s the same thing as a love relationship, a personal relationship, you just have to make that happen. Once you gain their trust, always, always, always tell the truth. Even if they’re crying, struggling, and they’re blaming others, all problems, come back to why it all starts here. Because a it’s you choose to believe what someone tells you, or you don’t. It’s that simple. You know who you are, someone tells you, if I say, Melissa, the screen behind you is blue, and you say it’s pink. And I tell you, no, it’s blue. And I’m more successful than you, you’re either going to believe me or you’re going to believe you. Right? But you always always have to believe that you have a choice. If people say something about you, are you going to choose that? Because if you do, then Shame on you. And all relationships, all problems, all failures, all successes, boil down to one thing, and that’s you. So in order to be a great, the nominal mentor, you just have to be and be honest, while you’re being in that program with them.
Melissa Farley 27:14
Right? How do you now you’re in a position where you are mentoring, right? How you were talking about working with this woman? How do you decide who you’re going to mentor and if this is going to be a good relationship or a beneficial relationship, I mean, you know, you kind of have to go jump through some hoops to work through Somers is that a process that you’ve adopted yourself before you begin mentoring someone?
Kimber Leigh 27:41
Well, up, so I was my first mentor. So being with Somers and mentoring under him, eventually, what happens is when you help somebody grow up emotionally, they need to spread their wings, too, because then you’re filled up in you overflow with your goods. So you, it’s like people have to hold their cup out and get some of your good. So one thing that I learned in, in many senses is that you can’t go up to somebody and say, I want to mentor you, because people aren’t ready, you have to wait till they come to you and believe this, the universe will send you all those people. And before you know it, you will have four or five, every, every one that comes to you their problems will be different. I’m even mentoring a woman who’s hugely successful works with Forbes, and very wealthy and intelligent, and she comes to me. And so I sit there and I say to myself, wow, isn’t that something. But what it is simply is that it doesn’t matter how much money you make, how much money you don’t make, how successful you are, or you are not, we all need each other. And we all need somebody who will not judge us, who will just be there to hold our hands and lead the way and tell us the truth.
Melissa Farley 29:22
I love that and that actually answers. The next question I was gonna ask you or maybe it doesn’t maybe you have a different word to speak to this. But, you know, there’s, there’s people that I’ve encountered that kind of have that mentality of like, Oh, no, I have to do this on my own. You know, this is something I need to figure out myself. And so they almost view mentorship or coaching or therapy or anything like that as a weakness. What would you say to people like that, that probably do need some guidance but have been maybe raised or just you know, have that idea in their head that that it’s a weakness
Kimber Leigh 30:01
Well, that that’s judging. For a bet, for lack of better words of weakness is invulnerability are beautiful, beautiful gifts. And if you can strip away the pride, the ego, because the ego is what gets us in trouble. The ego is Ooh, yeah, look at me. But it’s not about that. It’s about really being authentic and authenticity and vulnerability, and open. honesty about who and what we are, is what’s so necessary in the world we’re in today. And I believe that mentoring is going to take on a new light, because of all the struggles that are happening. And so if you feel like it’s a weakness, I say, Okay, I don’t care what you feel. But what you do need is to have somebody to lean on, and somebody that you can, like we talked about trust? And wouldn’t it be refreshing to just go be able to go to somebody who isn’t going to judge you? Who’s going to tell you the truth? Who’s going to be there for you, no matter what a therapist, they answer their phone from nine to five, they take you by appointment, my phone, my text messaging is open 24, seven, as long as I’m not zooming or paddleboarding or scuba diving, I am taking phone calls, because it’s so important. Why is that? Because I want to live in a world like that where people are authentic, and weak, but yet strong. And, and where people can lean on each other, and not be afraid it would be so wonderful. And that’s why I give so freely because I want to live in that world. That’s, that’s beautiful. That’s a selfish mentor.
Melissa Farley 32:12
Even that’s not that selfish, though. I mean, so let me let me ask you this, um, you know, it’s, it’s, it’s interesting, because I, speaking of being selfish, I kind of wanted to learn from you a little bit, because I am a mentor, I’m a mentor to a 14 year old. And it’s through a program called new pathways for youth. And all of these kids are considered at risk they are come from extreme poverty, have one or both parents in jail are in and out of jail, often. You know, there, there’s just a lot of different factors and usually have a lot of trauma in their lives. And I don’t have kids, you know, I’ve never raised children of my own. And so dealing with a young person was was a new experience for me, and I’m going on year, it’ll be four years and a couple of months here that I’ve been with her. And, you know, for me, one of the things that was difficult was, I wanted to fix everything so badly in her life, you know, it was just this urge to, like, make everything all better. And I sort of felt like a failure if if it wasn’t getting all better if things weren’t improving, and, and then about, I would say two and a half years, then I kind of had this experience where I shifted to feeling like I needed to fix everything to feeling like, I just need to be here for her, like no matter what, no matter if she gets the A or the F No matter if she makes the good decisions or the bad decisions, like no matter what happens, I need to be the one person that is unconditionally there for her. And, and I can do that, you know, I can I can do that. And I guess it’s funny, because I want to ask you like, is that right? Or Is that wrong? But But I guess, you know, I’m looking for a little bit of advice, because I think that I want the best for her. But I also understand that, you know, I can’t change her home life. I can’t make those decisions for her when she’s in those trying moments. Like there’s so much that I don’t have control over. So as a mentor, how do I, I guess, how do I know? Or how do I continue to feel like I’m actually making an impact? You know?
Kimber Leigh 34:38
Another good question. And as you were asking me, I was putting myself back at the age of 14 and I was her hugely struggling, had no mentor have really had I raised myself and I made so many mistakes. What I didn’t have was to know that there was someone in the foreground that would capture me, that would save me. And so I believe you’re doing a phenomenal job, you just by being there by being available, by being kind and encouraging, by telling her no man, I don’t care how bad it is, what you need to talk about, or what you’ve done, or what you’re thinking of doing, please just confide in me, because I want you to know, you can trust me, I’m here for you. It might not resonate with her right now. And it might not resonate with her when she’s 18. But believe me, as she grows into her womanhood, those are going to be the you are going to be so much in her memory bank, in her DNA, and in her heart, mind and soul, that she will turn around and mentor somebody else. And I want to say this too, even though you don’t have kids. And I do, that doesn’t make me any better at giving advice to a youth because children or children or children, and there is an apparent alive that has all the answers or tools, we wing it 24, seven, even when your kids grow up. So the best thing that you can do for her is let her make mistakes. Because when we interview these women, we talk about which you know, how do you feel about failure? I think failure I would far rather learn from failure than from success, because what do you learn from success? You don’t there’s no way to get better after you succeed after you succeed. And so I’m so happy that she has you, Melissa, that’s, you’re such a blessing to her.
Melissa Farley 37:01
Thank you. Yeah, I love her deeply. And, you know, I think I just I’m always trying to think of ways to be better for her, you know, and in that way, it’s a gift back to me, right? Like, like, I learned so much from her, probably just as much if not more that she learns from me. And, and you know, too, I mean, Kimber and I just helped get a book out called from us, for you inspiring stories of healing, growth and transformation. And it’s it has all these women authors, 25 women that wrote these incredible stories, and we got to interview all of the authors. And Kimber knows, my favorite question to ask them is, what’s a failure you can share? Because I truly do believe that us it’s so valuable to learn from the failures of other people’s lives and experiences more so than than the victories. So I’m a big fan of that approach. And I think, you know, I think that’s funny that I didn’t even realize that with her, I was trying to protect her from those failures, you know, I was trying to find ways to help her, avoid those failures, when they are such a, you know, valuable part of life, you know, and they are unavoidable, there’s no way that I can, that I can reroute her completely around I’ll l failure. So, that’s, that’s so great that you said that. And the other thing you said to, that just confirmed it for me, somebody else that I that was on the board of the organization I work with said that mentoring is like growing a solaro. You know, it’s like, you plant the seeds, and you don’t see the results this year, maybe next year, who knows, it might take you know, all these years, but that’s the world will grow and it will be strong, and it will be fierce. And you know, and it’s going to be because of those original seeds you planted. And I thought that was such a great, great way to visualize that. You know,
Kimber Leigh 39:03
that is, you know, look at me. I mean, Somers has invested six years in me, and that’s a lot of time. And I have blossomed and he, that’s what he loves. He the satisfaction that he gets is seeing where I am today, knowing the woman that I was prior. So for your young lady that you are mentoring. I think just listening is one of the other key things. Just listen, because if you truly listen, what they’re saying there is there is what they’re not saying. There’s an underlying thing that they’re not talking about. They’re coding, they’re coding it with some kind of facade because they’re too afraid to express deeply what’s going on. And so it’s your job as the mentor to wipe all That facade away? And what is the real question? So listening and asking them a lot of questions to the question that they have for you, is where the key is?
Melissa Farley 40:16
Yeah, you know, something really incredible happened to you that I wanted to share. And I’m not going to be able to explain this very well, because I’m not a scientist and things like go in and out of my brain. But I read this book about trauma and PTSD called the body keeps the score. Are you familiar with that book? Well, it’s, it’s really incredible, it kind of talks about what happens physiologically, and like chemically, when your body experiences trauma, and all the different ways it stores it. And it particularly talks about kids and youth, how they, they actually sort of lose touch with their bodies, and then don’t know how to express certain things. And all these barriers go up. And so there was this chapter that talked about, they found that when they would tie simple physical activity, like throwing a ball back and forth, or, you know, something like that, it was helping to unlock the parts of the brain that, that controlled that. And so they were finding that the children would be more vulnerable and, and talk more. And so the pandemic gave me such an unexpected gift, because originally I would take her to all these outings, I’d want to take her to museums and take her to get milkshakes. And you know, we do all these fun things. And then when COVID head, I was very cautious. And so I actually didn’t see her for a long time. And that was bothering me. And so then I thought, well, we could, the weather’s, okay, so we could just go for walks, I could drive to her house, and we could walk around her neighborhood. And oh, my gosh, it was like our entire relationship shifted and deepened, and she was talking more and like, there was something real to this idea of like, adding some sort of a physical activity to just being present with her and listening, like you were saying, all of a sudden, she, I felt like she let me in, you know, and it was this really magical moment. And so I just think that’s really, really fascinating. And I even advise that to people. Now with affirmations, like when you’re saying affirmations, go for a walk, or walk around your house and speak your affirmations out loud, because it like, it just does something different to your body into your soul, when you have that physical movement along with, you know, those things that you’re saying. So I just thought that was fascinating.
Kimber Leigh 42:41
Yeah, that’s very true. Because that four year period that I talked about earlier, where I isolated when I finally got the courage, because it does, it’s in your head, it’s in your DNA, you, you don’t really feel your body, and you want to. And so I took myself outside. And at one point, I could only walk from my house to the mailbox across the street. And then I eventually found myself walking five miles, and looking up at the clouds and take and I started, this is gonna sound bizarre. But I started seeing imagery in the clouds. And I started to photograph that. And it was a moment that got me back in touch with my body because I was having that movement of walking, and seeing and feeling the imagery. And yeah, so it is very true. And for anybody that’s listening, if you have had PTSD, or any type of trauma, the body is made up of energy, we have trillions and trillions of cells inside of our bodies that love to be commanded. And you have to move your body in order to move the energy and move that dysfunction out. So with every step that I took with the five miles, I left a little thought on the ground, all the thoughts of four years of thinking how horrible I was, and I put them inside the asphalt. And that’s how I read my body of all of that negativity. Yeah,
Melissa Farley 44:24
I think that that may be why I felt such a well, not just that, but you know, I felt such a kindred connection with you. When we reconnected later on, you know, more more recently in life because, you know, I had been through a lot of childhood trauma that I just didn’t address. And so when I left my corporate job, I knew that I wanted to take some time off to heal and I only did a year I didn’t do four years of isolation, but it was a very intentional isolative period of my life and right at the beginning of that, for the first time in my life, I got tired with PTSD, nobody had ever talked to me about PTSD. And so this was a totally new thing for me. And so I started walking, because I was so unhealthy and other ways I couldn’t, I couldn’t work out, I there was a lot of physical things that I just couldn’t do because of my health. But I could walk and it, it was miraculous, because they, I used to say, I would go on walks with God, because I, before I started doing affirmations, I would just talk, you know, to, to the universe, and to God about everything, and anything that was weighing me down, and that that what you said about, you know, putting it into the asphalt, you know, that’s how I felt, too. It was like, I was just letting it all go with every step that I took. And so I think that it’s a really freeing thing. And I think that’s something that a lot of people don’t think about either when they’re battling depression is the simple, basic things you need to do to take care of yourself, right, the idea of just moving your body of eating good things for your body of sleeping, you know, of those just simple things that you have to do to make sure your body is in a place to do the healing work. I think that’s something that a lot of people forget, you know, when they’re trying to come out of places of trauma or, you know, despair. So I know we’re getting close to our time here, I wanted to ask you two final questions. One is for people that are, you know, maybe seeking mentorship in their life or wanting to have a mentor, or be a mentor. What are what are some steps you would suggest they take? Or maybe if you know, of good resources, or sites or anything to share of how to kind of kickstart that journey for folks?
Kimber Leigh 46:53
Well, well, I don’t know if I have the answers for that, where they would need to go because, for me, it’s been a miraculous experience of people just appearing. But then again, I do have the program that I run called the wow factor. The reason it is called that is because my mentor helped me develop that program. He said, Kimber, what’s the one thing people say about you when they meet you? And they always say, wow, I, I, whether they’re looking at me or listening to me, so he said, well, then you’re gonna have a program called the wow factor. But what the wow factor is truly is just, I rip you open, and expose all of the stuff that’s been shut down in there. So I do offer mentorship programs. I don’t know, Melissa, maybe you and I need to start a program. Yeah, we can have mentors come together, offer their services. Because mentoring is a gift of, of life, you’re gifting your someone a new life. And it’s not about money. It’s not about something successful for you. Because believe me, the universe will pay you back for your time.
48:19
Mm hmm.
Kimber Leigh 48:20
And other ways, so you don’t need to worry about that. But we should start some kind of program to make that available to people that need it. But people need in order for the mentoring to be successful. People have to come to you have to ask for the help. That’s the first step, right.
Melissa Farley 48:43
Yes, absolutely. And I would, I would love that. So so you all are witness to the possible birth and creation of something new and amazing. Between Kimberly and I. Yeah, we should definitely chat about that. And the other thing I wanted to ask you kind of in that same line is, can you share a little bit about your book that I see is behind you. And also where, how or where people can contact you if they’re interested in, you know, either more information from you or maybe pretty, I feel like people are just gonna want to thank you after this episode, too. So
Kimber Leigh 49:21
thank you so much. So yes, my book is called gretta garbage. It was endorsed by Mark Victor Hansen, who was co author of chicken soup of the souls. Another serendipitous moment for me. The book though it is a memoir, it’s because I stated earlier Somers made me redo the whole thing. It’s a guide for I share an experience that I had, but I also share how I overcame it. There’s also a 30 day challenge in the back when I do mentor people, they take the 30 Day Challenge But so far, no one’s ever stopped after 30 days, everyone that takes the challenge stays with the challenge, which tells me something good about that. I also have another book out, which is a workbook. It’s called achieving your miracles. And it, I took a lot of the things from the memoir and condensed it because the feedback was, a lot of people were saying, Well, I don’t want to refer to that page. And I just want to know, because I talk about the act of forgiveness. It’s a formula, if you want to change your life, because forgiveness is a beautiful thing. It frees you and your abuser. So I have an entire formula that is foolproof for that. So that book is called achieving your miracles. And my third book is cuckoo aloha frames from the Big Island. And that book is all of the images that I’ve taken here on the Big Island. But more importantly, there are secrets of aloha how you on the mainland can have an express Aloha, because aloha is the it’s a low the is the breath and the spirit of love and light. And it is a another gift. So all these books are on Amazon, or you can find them and reach out to me on my website, which is k m b e r a, l e i g h calm that’s Kimber a li.com. So thank you. And if anybody wants to reach out to me, please feel free to do that.
Melissa Farley 51:45
Thank you so much. Yeah, I, I will make sure that I put your contact information and some information about your books, in the show notes and on the Episode Notes, so people won’t have to hunt everything down. It was such a pleasure and an honor to speak to you today. I really again just felt like you had so much grace and wisdom and guidance to share it with the people that already listened to stronger today. And so I’m so, so thrilled that you accepted my invitation to do this today. And I just want to encourage and invite all of the listeners who are interested in mentorship, who are interested in getting some coaching or any kind of guidance. You know, Kimber is here for you. I’m here for you. We might have a new program available for you really soon. And there are other really incredible mentors, organizations. So many resources available for you. So if you’ve been thinking about doing this for yourself, please please, please honor yourself and take this step you are worth it. And you will get such tremendous gifts from this process. So thank you so much for listening to the stronger today podcast. We hope that you feel stronger and better after listening to everything Kimber and I had to share today. If you loved us, please give us a great rating. If not be like Thumper. Keep it to yourself. We will see you next time. You can find all of the
Thank you. Yeah, I love her deeply. And, you know, I think I just I’m always trying to think of ways to be better for her, you know, and in that way, it’s a gift back to me, right? Like, like, I learned so much from her, probably just as much if not more that she learns from me. And, and you know, too, I mean, Kimber and I just helped get a book out called from us, for you inspiring stories of healing, growth and transformation. And it’s it has all these women authors, 25 women that wrote these incredible stories, and we got to interview all of the authors. And Kimber knows, my favorite question to ask them is, what’s a failure you can share? Because I truly do believe that us it’s so valuable to learn from the failures of other people’s lives and experiences more so than than the victories. So I’m a big fan of that approach. And I think, you know, I think that’s funny that I didn’t even realize that with her, I was trying to protect her from those failures, you know, I was trying to find ways to help her, avoid those failures, when they are such a, you know, valuable part of life, you know, and they are unavoidable, there’s no way that I can, that I can reroute her completely around I’ll l failure. So, that’s, that’s so great that you said that. And the other thing you said to, that just confirmed it for me, somebody else that I that was on the board of the organization I work with said that mentoring is like growing a solaro. You know, it’s like, you plant the seeds, and you don’t see the results this year, maybe next year, who knows, it might take you know, all these years, but that’s the world will grow and it will be strong, and it will be fierce. And you know, and it’s going to be because of those original seeds you planted. And I thought that was such a great, great way to visualize that. You know,
Kimber Leigh 39:03
that is, you know, look at me. I mean, summers has invested six years in me, and that’s a lot of time. And I have blossomed and he, that’s what he loves. He the satisfaction that he gets is seeing where I am today, knowing the woman that I was prior. So for your young lady that you are mentoring. I think just listening is one of the other key things. Just listen, because if you truly listen, what they’re saying there is there is what they’re not saying. There’s an underlying thing that they’re not talking about. They’re coding, they’re coding it with some kind of facade because they’re too afraid to express deeply what’s going on. And so it’s your job as the mentor to wipe all That facade away? And what is the real question? So listening and asking them a lot of questions to the question that they have for you, is where the key is?
Melissa Farley 40:16
Yeah, you know, something really incredible happened to you that I wanted to share. And I’m not going to be able to explain this very well, because I’m not a scientist and things like go in and out of my brain. But I read this book about trauma and PTSD called the body keeps the score. Are you familiar with that book? Well, it’s, it’s really incredible, it kind of talks about what happens physiologically, and like chemically, when your body experiences trauma, and all the different ways it stores it. And it particularly talks about kids and youth, how they, they actually sort of lose touch with their bodies, and then don’t know how to express certain things. And all these barriers go up. And so there was this chapter that talked about, they found that when they would tie simple physical activity, like throwing a ball back and forth, or, you know, something like that, it was helping to unlock the parts of the brain that, that controlled that. And so they were finding that the children would be more vulnerable and, and talk more. And so the pandemic gave me such an unexpected gift, because originally I would take her to all these outings, I’d want to take her to museums and take her to get milkshakes. And you know, we do all these fun things. And then when COVID head, I was very cautious. And so I actually didn’t see her for a long time. And that was bothering me. And so then I thought, well, we could, the weather’s, okay, so we could just go for walks, I could drive to her house, and we could walk around her neighborhood. And oh, my gosh, it was like our entire relationship shifted and deepened, and she was talking more and like, there was something real to this idea of like, adding some sort of a physical activity to just being present with her and listening, like you were saying, all of a sudden, she, I felt like she let me in, you know, and it was this really magical moment. And so I just think that’s really, really fascinating. And I even advise that to people. Now with affirmations, like when you’re saying affirmations, go for a walk, or walk around your house and speak your affirmations out loud, because it like, it just does something different to your body into your soul, when you have that physical movement along with, you know, those things that you’re saying. So I just thought that was fascinating.
Kimber Leigh 42:41
Yeah, that’s very true. Because that four year period that I talked about earlier, where I isolated when I finally got the courage, because it does, it’s in your head, it’s in your DNA, you, you don’t really feel your body, and you want to. And so I took myself outside. And at one point, I could only walk from my house to the mailbox across the street. And then I eventually found myself walking five miles, and looking up at the clouds and take and I started, this is gonna sound bizarre. But I started seeing imagery in the clouds. And I started to photograph that. And it was a moment that got me back in touch with my body because I was having that movement of walking, and seeing and feeling the imagery. And yeah, so it is very true. And for anybody that’s listening, if you have had PTSD, or any type of trauma, the body is made up of energy, we have trillions and trillions of cells inside of our bodies that love to be commanded. And you have to move your body in order to move the energy and move that dysfunction out. So with every step that I took with the five miles, I left a little thought on the ground, all the thoughts of four years of thinking how horrible I was, and I put them inside the asphalt. And that’s how I read my body of all of that negativity. Yeah,
Melissa Farley 44:24
I think that that may be why I felt such a well, not just that, but you know, I felt such a kindred connection with you. When we reconnected later on, you know, more more recently in life because, you know, I had been through a lot of childhood trauma that I just didn’t address. And so when I left my corporate job, I knew that I wanted to take some time off to heal and I only did a year I didn’t do four years of isolation, but it was a very intentional isolative period of my life and right at the beginning of that, for the first time in my life, I got tired with PTSD, nobody had ever talked to me about PTSD. And so this was a totally new thing for me. And so I started walking, because I was so unhealthy and other ways I couldn’t, I couldn’t work out, I there was a lot of physical things that I just couldn’t do because of my health. But I could walk and it, it was miraculous, because they, I used to say, I would go on walks with God, because I, before I started doing affirmations, I would just talk, you know, to, to the universe, and to God about everything, and anything that was weighing me down, and that that what you said about, you know, putting it into the asphalt, you know, that’s how I felt, too. It was like, I was just letting it all go with every step that I took. And so I think that it’s a really freeing thing. And I think that’s something that a lot of people don’t think about either when they’re battling depression is the simple, basic things you need to do to take care of yourself, right, the idea of just moving your body of eating good things for your body of sleeping, you know, of those just simple things that you have to do to make sure your body is in a place to do the healing work. I think that’s something that a lot of people forget, you know, when they’re trying to come out of places of trauma or, you know, despair. So I know we’re getting close to our time here, I wanted to ask you two final questions. One is for people that are, you know, maybe seeking mentorship in their life or wanting to have a mentor, or be a mentor. What are what are some steps you would suggest they take? Or maybe if you know, of good resources, or sites or anything to share of how to kind of kickstart that journey for folks?
Kimber Leigh 46:53
Well, well, I don’t know if I have the answers for that, where they would need to go because, for me, it’s been a miraculous experience of people just appearing. But then again, I do have the program that I run called the wow factor. The reason it is called that is because my mentor helped me develop that program. He said, Kimber, what’s the one thing people say about you when they meet you? And they always say, wow, I, I, whether they’re looking at me or listening to me, so he said, well, then you’re gonna have a program called the wow factor. But what the wow factor is truly is just, I rip you open, and expose all of the stuff that’s been shut down in there. So I do offer mentorship programs. I don’t know, Melissa, maybe you and I need to start a program. Yeah, we can have mentors come together, offer their services. Because mentoring is a gift of, of life, you’re gifting your someone a new life. And it’s not about money. It’s not about something successful for you. Because believe me, the universe will pay you back for your time.
48:19
Mm hmm.
Kimber Leigh 48:20
And other ways, so you don’t need to worry about that. But we should start some kind of program to make that available to people that need it. But people need in order for the mentoring to be successful. People have to come to you have to ask for the help. That’s the first step, right.
Melissa Farley 48:43
Yes, absolutely. And I would, I would love that. So so you all are witness to the possible birth and creation of something new and amazing. Between Kimberly and I. Yeah, we should definitely chat about that. And the other thing I wanted to ask you kind of in that same line is, can you share a little bit about your book that I see is behind you. And also where, how or where people can contact you if they’re interested in, you know, either more information from you or maybe pretty, I feel like people are just gonna want to thank you after this episode, too. So
Kimber Leigh 49:21
thank you so much. So yes, my book is called gretta garbage. It was endorsed by Mark Victor Hansen, who was co author of chicken soup of the souls. Another serendipitous moment for me. The book though it is a memoir, it’s because I stated earlier summers made me redo the whole thing. It’s a guide for I share an experience that I had, but I also share how I overcame it. There’s also a 30 day challenge in the back when I do mentor people, they take the 30 Day Challenge But so far, no one’s ever stopped after 30 days, everyone that takes the challenge stays with the challenge, which tells me something good about that. I also have another book out, which is a workbook. It’s called achieving your miracles. And it, I took a lot of the things from the memoir and condensed it because the feedback was, a lot of people were saying, Well, I don’t want to refer to that page. And I just want to know, because I talk about the act of forgiveness. It’s a formula, if you want to change your life, because forgiveness is a beautiful thing. It frees you and your abuser. So I have an entire formula that is foolproof for that. So that book is called achieving your miracles. And my third book is cuckoo aloha frames from the Big Island. And that book is all of the images that I’ve taken here on the Big Island. But more importantly, there are secrets of aloha how you on the mainland can have an express Aloha, because aloha is the it’s a low the is the breath and the spirit of love and light. And it is a another gift. So all these books are on Amazon, or you can find them and reach out to me on my website, which is k m b e r a, l e i g h calm that’s Kimber a li.com. So thank you. And if anybody wants to reach out to me, please feel free to do that.
Melissa Farley 51:45
Thank you so much. Yeah, I, I will make sure that I put your contact information and some information about your books, in the show notes and on the Episode Notes, so people won’t have to hunt everything down. It was such a pleasure and an honor to speak to you today. I really again just felt like you had so much grace and wisdom and guidance to share it with the people that already listened to stronger today. And so I’m so, so thrilled that you accepted my invitation to do this today. And I just want to encourage and invite all of the listeners who are interested in mentorship, who are interested in getting some coaching or any kind of guidance. You know, Kimber is here for you. I’m here for you. We might have a new program available for you really soon. And there are other really incredible mentors, organizations. So many resources available for you. So if you’ve been thinking about doing this for yourself, please please, please honor yourself and take this step you are worth it. And you will get such tremendous gifts from this process. So thank you so much for listening to the stronger today podcast. We hope that you feel stronger and better after listening to everything Kimber and I had to share today. If you loved us, please give us a great rating. If not be like Thumper. Keep it to yourself. We will see you next time. You can find all of th